Hey guys!
So, if you haven't noticed, I don't really post on this blog anymore because I have a new one chronicling all of my adventures over here in France! If you want to follow all of the happenings, it's marleyinfrance.tumblr.com
But yeah, it's been three months already and I can hardly believe it. Time is going way way way too fast for my liking here, but that's what's happening. I've already been looking into study abroad programs for the next academic year. I literally have no plans to leave. I mean, I do, financially, but I have no plans to stay in the US for longer than it takes for me to get my visa and come back. That's just how it's going to be from now on. I'm here. That's not changing at all. So, bye, America!
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
New Advenures Await
Remember this post? Also, this one? Well, guess what?
I'm going back to France!
And I'm not kidding, either. I got a job in France for the next year! I'm so flipping excited! Way too excited, really. But I get to go back to France and live there for a year! I couldn't be happier with the way things are going this year and it's only April!
I'm going back to France!
And I'm not kidding, either. I got a job in France for the next year! I'm so flipping excited! Way too excited, really. But I get to go back to France and live there for a year! I couldn't be happier with the way things are going this year and it's only April!
Anyway, I'm going to live in Vernon, which is in Normandy and literally like 2 miles from Giverny. Talk about an exciting adventure! I'm also going to be 45 minutes away from both Paris and Rouen by train, too. The family that I'm going to live with has three little girls who are all blonde and very curly-haired. And I am so excited to go and experience life with them. I'm also going to be and hour away from my French Family, so I can see them on the weekends if I want, or I can spend a day in Paris or something. I'm just so excited it's ridiculous. And this time, I'll be there for longer than two months, even though in my journal from my time in France last summer, I said that being there for a month was enough. Boy, was I wrong. I am so excited to go on this crazy adventure and finally just get to be in the one place where I am happy and so excited about everything.
But yeah, I'm going home and I leave in less than 4 months. And I'll be there for a year.
That's been a bit difficult to think about though because I realized that I have to say goodbye to a lot of amazing friends this week and I'm heartbroken. I wasn't expecting this, but here I am, leaving for a year-ish and having to say goodbye to people I love. I don't think I've ever been less ready for anything in my whole life. Like, it's one thing to leave for two months and then come back, but this is a whole year and I am so terrified that I'm going to lose touch with a lot of amazing people. So if any of you are reading this, promise me that we won't lose touch (and i know it happens, but bear with me). Besides, I'll probably be posting here more regularly if you don't feel like getting emails from me :)
So, peace out, lovelies!
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Apparently I Like Music
I've started writing music.
For real. It helps me cope with my anxiety and I honestly don't think I could live without it. Music makes me happy and it fills my heart and soul with a peace that I really don't get anywhere else. I've been in choirs since elementary school, and they were always my favorite part of going to school, even though things got really frustrating for me in high school. But we all kind of learn to work through those moments of frustration. That's what life is made of.
But anyway, I just finished writing my first song since middle school, and I'm proud of myself. I never thought that writing music is something that would become part of my life again, but it's sneaked up on me and it's pretty great.
I also want to talk about my Uncle Steve, who is awesome, by the way. He was the one who gave me my first voice lesson. I was probably ten or eleven and I really wanted to audition for my city's talent show, so he came over to help me with my song. On occasion, I still use the techniques he gave me, like leaning forward on high notes. That's pretty fun to do, honestly. Now I see him every once in a while because he lives in LA and he's doing awesome music things.
He inspires me. A lot. In high school, I had a list of things I wanted to do, and on that list was "see Uncle Steve at least two times" because I missed him and I still hadn't had a chance to see him perform (I still haven't, even though my parents have and I am definitely bitter). But I got to see him at Christmas my senior year as well as this Christmas, so that was nice. My senior year, he gave me some notebooks and I've put them to good use. Especially the moleskine notebook. It holds my poetry and music. It holds my soul, and I am so glad that he gave it to me. It has honestly been my best friend.
I want to be like my Uncle Steve. I want to make music.
I want to keep feeling what music gives to me. And I know for sure that I can do that whenever, but sometimes I wonder if I should have listened to my mom about majoring in music, but then I'd be in college for like seven years and I don't think I could do that.
I guess I've just finally hit that point in my life where I don't know what I want to do, but my lifelong desire to make music is still here and I wonder if I should follow that. I mean, I want to go to France, and I want to write, but music is this part of me that always "calls" for me to go to it. I never stop singing or doodling around on the piano or dancing because music is how my life works. It helps me feel less alone, and last week when I got started writing again, I remember thinking, "I want to be the person who can get someone else through a rough time in their life." And if I can do that through music, I would be so happy. I want to be the person that someone looks up to. I want them to see that things do get better, even if things really suck and it doesn't seem like there's ever a way out. I want to give them something to hold on to, even if it's just a few lines of a song. Anything to let them know that I know what it feels like and that everything will be fine.
Maybe my dream is crazy. But I don't think that's going to stop me from writing and creating. I can't stop. I mean, after I told my Uncle Steve that I finished my first song today, he said "Keep exploring and your truth will come through your songs", and it really just struck a chord in me and I (honestly) got a little weepy because I knew it was the right thing to let him know, and it was something that I'd never heard before.
Like, my parents have been so supportive of me and music, too, like last year, when I skipped school solo and ensemble since I was sick, but they made me talk to Mr.Thorpe about going to region, and I ended up getting a I at state because music is something I'm good at and I shouldn't let it all slip away. And I think something that they've said about me going to France applies to this as well. "If [it's] in your heart, then follow it. Do what makes you happy, fuck what anyone else thinks. Live your life for you, not for anyone else."
Follow your hearts, lovelies. I guess that was the point of this post. I'll try to be less vague as time goes on, but that's probably not going to happen.
Peace out!
For real. It helps me cope with my anxiety and I honestly don't think I could live without it. Music makes me happy and it fills my heart and soul with a peace that I really don't get anywhere else. I've been in choirs since elementary school, and they were always my favorite part of going to school, even though things got really frustrating for me in high school. But we all kind of learn to work through those moments of frustration. That's what life is made of.
But anyway, I just finished writing my first song since middle school, and I'm proud of myself. I never thought that writing music is something that would become part of my life again, but it's sneaked up on me and it's pretty great.
I also want to talk about my Uncle Steve, who is awesome, by the way. He was the one who gave me my first voice lesson. I was probably ten or eleven and I really wanted to audition for my city's talent show, so he came over to help me with my song. On occasion, I still use the techniques he gave me, like leaning forward on high notes. That's pretty fun to do, honestly. Now I see him every once in a while because he lives in LA and he's doing awesome music things.
He inspires me. A lot. In high school, I had a list of things I wanted to do, and on that list was "see Uncle Steve at least two times" because I missed him and I still hadn't had a chance to see him perform (I still haven't, even though my parents have and I am definitely bitter). But I got to see him at Christmas my senior year as well as this Christmas, so that was nice. My senior year, he gave me some notebooks and I've put them to good use. Especially the moleskine notebook. It holds my poetry and music. It holds my soul, and I am so glad that he gave it to me. It has honestly been my best friend.
I want to be like my Uncle Steve. I want to make music.
I want to keep feeling what music gives to me. And I know for sure that I can do that whenever, but sometimes I wonder if I should have listened to my mom about majoring in music, but then I'd be in college for like seven years and I don't think I could do that.
I guess I've just finally hit that point in my life where I don't know what I want to do, but my lifelong desire to make music is still here and I wonder if I should follow that. I mean, I want to go to France, and I want to write, but music is this part of me that always "calls" for me to go to it. I never stop singing or doodling around on the piano or dancing because music is how my life works. It helps me feel less alone, and last week when I got started writing again, I remember thinking, "I want to be the person who can get someone else through a rough time in their life." And if I can do that through music, I would be so happy. I want to be the person that someone looks up to. I want them to see that things do get better, even if things really suck and it doesn't seem like there's ever a way out. I want to give them something to hold on to, even if it's just a few lines of a song. Anything to let them know that I know what it feels like and that everything will be fine.
Maybe my dream is crazy. But I don't think that's going to stop me from writing and creating. I can't stop. I mean, after I told my Uncle Steve that I finished my first song today, he said "Keep exploring and your truth will come through your songs", and it really just struck a chord in me and I (honestly) got a little weepy because I knew it was the right thing to let him know, and it was something that I'd never heard before.
Like, my parents have been so supportive of me and music, too, like last year, when I skipped school solo and ensemble since I was sick, but they made me talk to Mr.Thorpe about going to region, and I ended up getting a I at state because music is something I'm good at and I shouldn't let it all slip away. And I think something that they've said about me going to France applies to this as well. "If [it's] in your heart, then follow it. Do what makes you happy, fuck what anyone else thinks. Live your life for you, not for anyone else."
Follow your hearts, lovelies. I guess that was the point of this post. I'll try to be less vague as time goes on, but that's probably not going to happen.
Peace out!
Thursday, January 29, 2015
My Journey Into Fall Out Boy and why it's Good to Expand Your Horizons
I have to thank my mom for the phrase "Expand your horizons", since she's been saying it to me for years because I tend to be very narrow-minded and it's made me kind of an asshole.
But anyway, I'm going to apply that narrow-mindedness to music. For the longest time, I was a music supremacist and essentially thought that any music I didn't like or know enough about was bad and wrong. I thought like this forever. First it was 80s rock, then pop music, then punk and its subgenres. Boy, was I wrong. Now I don't think I could live without my 80s rock, pop, and pop-punk. And I mean, there's stuff I don't care for, like pretty much everyone, but I still appreciate the fact that it's music. Honestly, musicians work so hard that I think they should get to play whatever makes them happy. It's only fair. Music is so amazing and we shouldn't judge people for what they love.
Now onto the Fall Out Boy (FOB for the rest of the post) portion of the post: I was about six years late to my FOB obsession. My first exposure to FOB was in elementary school when we got "Dance Dance Revolution" and the song "Dance Dance" was one of the songs you could dance to. My middle school scream-along music was Nickelback, Hannah Montana, and Taylor Swift (and even then, can we call it scream-along?). ANYWAY, the only song of FOB's that I knew was "Dance Dance" and I was like "okay cool I can dig this", but I never really thought anything else of it.
Then, I got an iPod for Christmas, and the only FOB song that was "Sugar, We're Goin Down" and I liked it well enough. For the longest time, that was the only FOB song I really knew because I hadn't bothered to look into them in the two years between getting my iPod and FOB going on hiatus.
Then, during my junior year of high school, FOB was suddenly back. I lied about my love of FOB a lot but that's only because I was lame and hated everything that wasn't a song from a Broadway show and I had really only heard and liked one FOB song.
So, at the tender age of just-barely-17, I was formally introduced to FOB and my life hasn't been the same since. And yes, my first introduction was Save Rock and Roll, which is a helluva lot different than the rest of their music, so I felt kinda bad about liking this new album that was apparently "too different" and stuff, but it made me fall in love.
Finally, I decided I would actually go and buy some of their music. I first bought "Alone Together" because it was my favorite song from Save Rock and Roll (as far as I knew) and "Thnks fr th Mmrs" because duh. Then, I started listening to all of their stuff on Spotify because that's what you do when you're a young teenager who doesn't have any money. But holy shit, has FOB been an amazing force in my life. To be honest, I really did find FOB at a time in my life when I was struggling with a lot more anxiety than what I struggle with today, and it was good to have music where I could be angry at the world without hurting anyone's feelings. I mean, I did plenty of hurting people's feelings, but music has always been an outlet for me, no matter what the situation (check out my other post x for more about my relationship with growing into music). But there is something so raw and amazing that comes from FOB, which has honestly made them my favorite band (Sorry, KISS!).
I'm going to try to convince you all how great FOB is:
So, expand your horizons. Listen to something you might have heard and kind of liked. Maybe you'll find a gem somewhere. I did. Go forth and listen, lovelies! Peace out!
(FOB lyrics pic x)
But anyway, I'm going to apply that narrow-mindedness to music. For the longest time, I was a music supremacist and essentially thought that any music I didn't like or know enough about was bad and wrong. I thought like this forever. First it was 80s rock, then pop music, then punk and its subgenres. Boy, was I wrong. Now I don't think I could live without my 80s rock, pop, and pop-punk. And I mean, there's stuff I don't care for, like pretty much everyone, but I still appreciate the fact that it's music. Honestly, musicians work so hard that I think they should get to play whatever makes them happy. It's only fair. Music is so amazing and we shouldn't judge people for what they love.
Now onto the Fall Out Boy (FOB for the rest of the post) portion of the post: I was about six years late to my FOB obsession. My first exposure to FOB was in elementary school when we got "Dance Dance Revolution" and the song "Dance Dance" was one of the songs you could dance to. My middle school scream-along music was Nickelback, Hannah Montana, and Taylor Swift (and even then, can we call it scream-along?). ANYWAY, the only song of FOB's that I knew was "Dance Dance" and I was like "okay cool I can dig this", but I never really thought anything else of it.
Then, I got an iPod for Christmas, and the only FOB song that was "Sugar, We're Goin Down" and I liked it well enough. For the longest time, that was the only FOB song I really knew because I hadn't bothered to look into them in the two years between getting my iPod and FOB going on hiatus.
Then, during my junior year of high school, FOB was suddenly back. I lied about my love of FOB a lot but that's only because I was lame and hated everything that wasn't a song from a Broadway show and I had really only heard and liked one FOB song.
So, at the tender age of just-barely-17, I was formally introduced to FOB and my life hasn't been the same since. And yes, my first introduction was Save Rock and Roll, which is a helluva lot different than the rest of their music, so I felt kinda bad about liking this new album that was apparently "too different" and stuff, but it made me fall in love.
Finally, I decided I would actually go and buy some of their music. I first bought "Alone Together" because it was my favorite song from Save Rock and Roll (as far as I knew) and "Thnks fr th Mmrs" because duh. Then, I started listening to all of their stuff on Spotify because that's what you do when you're a young teenager who doesn't have any money. But holy shit, has FOB been an amazing force in my life. To be honest, I really did find FOB at a time in my life when I was struggling with a lot more anxiety than what I struggle with today, and it was good to have music where I could be angry at the world without hurting anyone's feelings. I mean, I did plenty of hurting people's feelings, but music has always been an outlet for me, no matter what the situation (check out my other post x for more about my relationship with growing into music). But there is something so raw and amazing that comes from FOB, which has honestly made them my favorite band (Sorry, KISS!).
I'm going to try to convince you all how great FOB is:
So, expand your horizons. Listen to something you might have heard and kind of liked. Maybe you'll find a gem somewhere. I did. Go forth and listen, lovelies! Peace out!
(FOB lyrics pic x)
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Wrong.
Silence.
That’s all I hear.
Either nobody cares to listen —
Or I have lost them all.
I feel like shit, too.
Why am I the one hated?
I’ve done nothing wrong.
Friendships like that —
They tear at you until you’re
Gone and you’re no longer living.
I’ve been there before.
Nobody believes me since
It happens behind closed doors.
They see nothing wrong.
It’s not always physical.
Manipulation doesn’t work
Like that. I had to get out.
I had to. I had to take control
Of my own life. Because
Since you didn’t notice —
Something was wrong.
So, this is a poem I wrote recently and I wanted to share it with all of you because I feel like whenever I write poetry, it's my best writing because it's raw and actually my feelings.
Why Does this Saturday Feel Like a Sunday?
This has been the longest Saturday of my life. It's felt like a Sunday. A really long Sunday that only happens when you're tired.
And I have no idea why.
I mean, last night, I went to a Halloween party and I danced and I took pictures and I went through a spook alley that really scared me, even though it was pretty tame. There weren't any ghosts. Like, what good is a haunted house without supernatural creatures? There was a freak show happening in one of the rooms, and then there was a Purge room, but since I haven't seen the movie, I didn't really get it. But it still was a little terrifying to be chased by guys carrying baseball bats-- especially because most of them had at least a foot on me, so you know. There's nothing scarier than being chased by a 6-foot tall college guy when you're 5-foot-nothing.
Maybe that's what made me so tired. I guess it is pretty exhausting to go to a giant Halloween party on campus. But I didn't even stay out that late. I was home by 12:30 this morning, and I woke up at nine, like any abnormal human being (hint: me).
My exhaustion may also have been caused by the girl I like showing up at the door to my friend's dorm last night while families were trick or treating in the dorms. That was kind of embarrassing for me because I answered the door and THERE SHE WAS (along with the rest of her friends). Of course, I freaked out, like any normal person with a crush on someone would, but at least it was internal... I think. I don't know. After the person they needed came to the door, I may or may not have hidden behind the door because I was ridiculously embarrassed, even though I don't think I really had to be.
But today has just felt like a lazy, lazy Sunday. If you've never experienced a lazy Sunday, that sucks. Lazy Sundays are most often good things. Like, you can just take a nap and it's no big deal, or you can read that book you've always wanted to read (if you like reading, that is). You can even binge watch "Gilmore Girls" on Netflix (because it's on Netflix now!!!!!!!!).
But when a lazy Sunday occurs on a Saturday, everything gets really mixed up. It's just felt like one big Sunday, and I really kind of hate it. I mean, I've been able to do my laundry and clean the apartment. Both are usually Sunday tasks for me, but tomorrow, I'm meeting up with a friend for lunch, so I can't really clean and do laundry because I'm sure I'll be spending a ton of time with her because I haven't seen her since before I went to France, which actually is a really long time, now that I think about it.
But it's just been an eternal Saturday. And I'm not really liking it. Maybe I'll go watch more "Gilmore Girls" and try to figure out what to eat for dinner that actually has protein in it.
Peace out!
And I have no idea why.
I mean, last night, I went to a Halloween party and I danced and I took pictures and I went through a spook alley that really scared me, even though it was pretty tame. There weren't any ghosts. Like, what good is a haunted house without supernatural creatures? There was a freak show happening in one of the rooms, and then there was a Purge room, but since I haven't seen the movie, I didn't really get it. But it still was a little terrifying to be chased by guys carrying baseball bats-- especially because most of them had at least a foot on me, so you know. There's nothing scarier than being chased by a 6-foot tall college guy when you're 5-foot-nothing.
Maybe that's what made me so tired. I guess it is pretty exhausting to go to a giant Halloween party on campus. But I didn't even stay out that late. I was home by 12:30 this morning, and I woke up at nine, like any abnormal human being (hint: me).
My exhaustion may also have been caused by the girl I like showing up at the door to my friend's dorm last night while families were trick or treating in the dorms. That was kind of embarrassing for me because I answered the door and THERE SHE WAS (along with the rest of her friends). Of course, I freaked out, like any normal person with a crush on someone would, but at least it was internal... I think. I don't know. After the person they needed came to the door, I may or may not have hidden behind the door because I was ridiculously embarrassed, even though I don't think I really had to be.
But today has just felt like a lazy, lazy Sunday. If you've never experienced a lazy Sunday, that sucks. Lazy Sundays are most often good things. Like, you can just take a nap and it's no big deal, or you can read that book you've always wanted to read (if you like reading, that is). You can even binge watch "Gilmore Girls" on Netflix (because it's on Netflix now!!!!!!!!).
But when a lazy Sunday occurs on a Saturday, everything gets really mixed up. It's just felt like one big Sunday, and I really kind of hate it. I mean, I've been able to do my laundry and clean the apartment. Both are usually Sunday tasks for me, but tomorrow, I'm meeting up with a friend for lunch, so I can't really clean and do laundry because I'm sure I'll be spending a ton of time with her because I haven't seen her since before I went to France, which actually is a really long time, now that I think about it.
But it's just been an eternal Saturday. And I'm not really liking it. Maybe I'll go watch more "Gilmore Girls" and try to figure out what to eat for dinner that actually has protein in it.
Peace out!
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Happiness and Other Such Things
I've had a lot of thoughts running through my head this week. It's not really surprising, considering it's been a pretty rough week and I'm sitting in a coffee shop enjoying some iced ginger peach tea and waiting on a delicious veggie sandwich, since I decided I'd do something nice for myself today. That-- and I can chew again (the dentist worked on my mouth for three hours on Monday. ick.), so I'm eating as many veggies as I can.
I guess a lot of thought today is what it means for me to be happy. Whoa, crazy topic, I know, but it's something really important to me right now. I mean, I'm in college and I'm supposed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Don't worry, I've got that figured out. I'm going into publishing.
But I'm not sure where I'm going with the rest of my life. I know I want a family, and I want my children to grow up in the one place I call home (which is France, by the way, if you're a recent reader).
I'm still trying to figure out how to be happy with the life I have right now. So far, I've made a lot of friends, which is always great, and I've lost a few, too, but that comes with the territory of growing up and figuring out how to be happy. I've gotten rid of toxic environments in my life, and that's helping a lot, but I also need to find my niche. What's nice about that, though, is I'm a pretty friendly person, so I think I should be able to find that place where I fit in perfectly.
And I know that place is somewhere. It may not be something I find for a while, but I'm not 100% sure. It could be with other French majors, or it could be with some English minors or even Theatre majors (which is kind of a long shot. I love 'em, but boy, are they loud.). I actively participate in one club on campus, but that's because it holds my interests and it's populated by people like me, but I need to make friends with other people as well. Otherwise, I won't learn things outside of the classroom as well as in the classroom. Having discussions with people who have differing viewpoints is so important. Those conversations allow you to broaden your mind as well as give you things to think about (and sometimes they make you realize that maybe you're being an ass about something, which is always a good thing to learn).
But I just haven't found that place in my life where I'm happy with everything. And I know that's a difficult goal-- to be happy with everything in your life, but I think I can get there.
I also think that you can be happy with everything in your life and still move forward. I absolutely think that is possible. But I don't want to be content. Being content is something that stops you from moving forward because you're going to sit there thinking "yeah, this is okay. I can live with this."
But can you?
Can you live, knowing that there is so much more to be had in life? I wouldn't be able to. That's why I want to travel the world, to experience new things. I want to live my twenties single and fall in love with all of the wrong people and take the time to figure out who the hell I am. I want to make simple mistakes and learn from them. I want to grow and be me. My own self.
And I will do that. And I'm starting now by finding the things that make me happy and making sure that I'm surrounded by people who won't bring me down, but will support me as much as I will support them. That's what we need in this world. Be kind to each other, but make sure you're comfortable with the people around you as well. Be with people who care about you, not who they want you to be.
Don't be afraid to be you.
I guess a lot of thought today is what it means for me to be happy. Whoa, crazy topic, I know, but it's something really important to me right now. I mean, I'm in college and I'm supposed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Don't worry, I've got that figured out. I'm going into publishing.
But I'm not sure where I'm going with the rest of my life. I know I want a family, and I want my children to grow up in the one place I call home (which is France, by the way, if you're a recent reader).
I'm still trying to figure out how to be happy with the life I have right now. So far, I've made a lot of friends, which is always great, and I've lost a few, too, but that comes with the territory of growing up and figuring out how to be happy. I've gotten rid of toxic environments in my life, and that's helping a lot, but I also need to find my niche. What's nice about that, though, is I'm a pretty friendly person, so I think I should be able to find that place where I fit in perfectly.
And I know that place is somewhere. It may not be something I find for a while, but I'm not 100% sure. It could be with other French majors, or it could be with some English minors or even Theatre majors (which is kind of a long shot. I love 'em, but boy, are they loud.). I actively participate in one club on campus, but that's because it holds my interests and it's populated by people like me, but I need to make friends with other people as well. Otherwise, I won't learn things outside of the classroom as well as in the classroom. Having discussions with people who have differing viewpoints is so important. Those conversations allow you to broaden your mind as well as give you things to think about (and sometimes they make you realize that maybe you're being an ass about something, which is always a good thing to learn).
But I just haven't found that place in my life where I'm happy with everything. And I know that's a difficult goal-- to be happy with everything in your life, but I think I can get there.
I also think that you can be happy with everything in your life and still move forward. I absolutely think that is possible. But I don't want to be content. Being content is something that stops you from moving forward because you're going to sit there thinking "yeah, this is okay. I can live with this."
But can you?
Can you live, knowing that there is so much more to be had in life? I wouldn't be able to. That's why I want to travel the world, to experience new things. I want to live my twenties single and fall in love with all of the wrong people and take the time to figure out who the hell I am. I want to make simple mistakes and learn from them. I want to grow and be me. My own self.
And I will do that. And I'm starting now by finding the things that make me happy and making sure that I'm surrounded by people who won't bring me down, but will support me as much as I will support them. That's what we need in this world. Be kind to each other, but make sure you're comfortable with the people around you as well. Be with people who care about you, not who they want you to be.
Don't be afraid to be you.
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